well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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