I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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