All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
