were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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