you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
