Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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