Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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