if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had to cum in my sink.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize