Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
