I cockslap morals
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
