We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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