shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
