I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
