awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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