did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
