my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
