Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
