Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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