All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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