Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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