It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
