We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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