just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My breasts were aching with rage.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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