i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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