Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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