Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
