i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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