so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
