If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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