So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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