I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
