i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize