Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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