I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
