doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
