I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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