Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am one with the molecules
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
