Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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