I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
