i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
