In America we eat man semen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
