I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
