You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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