Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
