dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
