EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
