he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
