THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
