I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
