So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
