just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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