We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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