I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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