Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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