So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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