I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
