Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
