There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
