So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
