Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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