i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
