when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
