you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
