for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
