He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize