just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
