We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Soap is not a condiment
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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